Big announcement about my future! *not clickbait*

LOL…I’ve always wanted to do a headline like that.

But seriously, I think I have figured out what I want to do.

There are a lot of problems in this world, and a lot of people need help with a lot of things.

I am going to help them.

There’s a reason I started teaching…and there’s a reason I got an advanced degree in Adult Education.

There’s a reason that I honed my copy writing and product description writing skills.

And there’s a reason I keep coming back to this Valley, when it would make way more sense for me to live elsewhere.

Finally I think my actual purpose has been revealed to me. And I am *stoked*!

I think I have found a way to be a real resource and help to the people in the Ohio Valley.

But that’s all I can say for now. All I can say is…

Yeah and Meh…

The last few weeks have been challenging, and I’m not sure why.

I’ve pared down my client list to three clients I love, so work isn’t really a chore at the moment.

I’m making progress on my “Quest for National Publication,” so that’s good.

I don’t have any pressing issues, obligations or major things to worry about…so yay to that.

And yet…here I sit, uneasy about it all.

Maybe things are too easy…they’re going too smoothly.

I’m not used to smooth. I’m used to craziness, chaos, bedlam.

That I can do — I thrive on that.

But this…this is foreign to me.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “Be glad it’s going smoothly, and enjoy it.” And, I know you’re right — I should be…

But I can’t. And I don’t know why.

And that bugs me.

But not enough to make me feel better.

And if you followed that, well, I don’t know whether to apologize to you or applaud you.

What does it say about someone who can’t be happy when things are going well?

Ok – that’s a bit of a reach. I’m happy…just uneasy about the happiness.

That doesn’t really make it sound better, does it?

I’m just more comfortable with chaos. I know what to expect with chaos.

I’d like to get comfortable with things going well…

I guess it will take practice.

Until then, I’ll just stress out about not being stressed out. That always makes me feel better.

Again — apologies and applause. 🙂

An Introduction of Sorts…

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been called quite a few things. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Feminazi
• Witty
• Bleeding-heart liberal
• Opinionated
• Unfair
• Eloquent
• Unbalanced
• Brilliant
• Hateful
• Sarcastic
• Big-mouthed
• Bitchy
• Smart

I’m shocked “stupid” wasn’t bandied about, but hey, I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 🙂

Just for fun, and by way of an introduction to my new followers (Hello and Welcome!), I’m going to offer my opinion on each of these descriptions. Cuz, y’know, why not.

Feminazi – If refusing to remain silent while men wage war against women’s rights, shouting down loud-mouthed blowhards, and demanding that women have not equal but the majority say over what goes into and comes out of their bodies makes me a feminazi, then by God, I’ll carry the scepter, and wear the tiara and sash proudly while I take care of my family, build my career and have sex when and with whom I choose, thank-you-very-much!

Witty – Well, thank you. I’d say I try, but honestly, I have to try harder NOT to be humorous. That’s not meant to be conceited, I really have a hard time not letting some sort of humor leak into everything I write. When you write dry, boring copy for a living, fighting the urge to be (or attempt to be) funny is hard. That’s part of the reason for why I blog. *I* need an outlet. 🙂 Imagine a bowl of bran flakes….with a fruit loop in thrown in. Finish that joke however you wish.

Bleeding-heart Liberal –  Not really a fair assessment, and I will explain why later.

Opinionated – Gee…me? Nah, I don’t have an opinion on anything. And even if I did, I would never, ever deign to share it.

Unfair – I think that assessment is unfair. I try to show all facets of an issue before offering my opinion, unless the issue is so ridiculous that there is really no other facet to show other than the ridiculousness of the issue.

Eloquent – Thanks…I try! Not very eloquent, but heartfelt!

Unbalanced – Now see, I don’t know if the person who said this meant “unbalanced” as in only showing one side of the story, or “unbalanced” as in I need to be fitted for a straight jacket and prepped for a frontal lobotomy. Then again, it could mean both. But to quote Sheldon (from The Big Bang Theory), “I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested.”

Brilliant – Really smart? According to the tests, yes. Am I capable of moments of brilliance? Of course. We all are. But brilliant? Nah…I just know what my gifts are and try to use them to their fullest as much as possible. But thank you for the compliment!

Hateful – Nope. I’m not a hateful person. I don’t hate anyone or anything. Hate is a wasted emotion. You spend all this time hating someone, but you never tell that person why you hate them. So, they’re off living their life, smelling flowers and whistling a happy tune, and you’re curled up in the fetal position on your bed, suffering from migraines, ulcers and for the life if it, cannot understand why you’re leading a miserable life. What’s wrong with that picture?

Sarcastic – You must be new here. Cuz I can hide my sarcasm for about five whole seconds. It’s harder to control than my humor. Don’t believe me? Check out practically any other post on this blog — sarcasm enters around word 50 (sometimes earlier) and doesn’t leave until I end the post. But I really think I’m more snarky than sarcastic, but oh well, po-tay-to, po-tah-to. It was still a swing and a miss in the insult department.

Big-mouhted – I think this one is a bit off the mark, and really doesn’t make much sense considering this is prose and not spoken word. If I wanted to be a big mouth on screen, I’d have to TYPE EVERYTHING IN CAPS AND BOLD IT SO I’D BE SURE YOU SAW IT. I’D ALSO ADD SEVERAL COLORS SO EVERYTHING STOOD OUT, AND USE LOTS OF “!!!!” TO MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTOOD MY POINT!!! 

But that’s not how I roll, so nah, wrong again.

Bitchy – Yeah, I can be. I don’t argue that. Matter of fact, I embrace my inner bitch. I wish more people would do that, there would be much less heartache in the world.  But I really believe I’m bitchy only when justified, and I don’t think I’ve been particularly bitchy in this blog. But I have had my moments. LOL

Smart – Yeah, okay. Thanks. 🙂

So, that’s what others think of me and how I feel about what others think of me. Now, here’s who I know I am:

I’m a woman with an opinion who is not afraid to express it. If I read, see or hear of an injustice, an act of stupidity or other uncalled for occurrence, I will drag it out of the dark corner where it is trying to hide and expose it for what it really is. I will defend the things I believe in until I’m hoarse and my fingers bleed. If you come at me, take your best shot, cuz when I fire back, I. Won’t. Miss.

I’m a liberal who believes that those in the position to help others, should. I also believe that once you’ve been helped, you need to move to the other side of the column and become a helper yourself. If you don’t — if you continue to seek help when you could do for yourself, or you refuse to help others as you were helped, you’ll have to answer to me. And you’d better have a damn good excuse.

I believe that if you don’t vote, you don’t get to bitch. Spare me the “my one vote isn’t going to make a difference”, “the whole political process is rigged” and “our voices aren’t heard anyway” mumbo jumbo. Even if any and all of that is true, our forefathers died so we could vote. If we end up in a situation you don’t like and you did nothing about it, other than complain that the system is broken, I don’t want to hear it. Move on.

I believe everyone should have the right to love who they want, and if they want to get married, they’re crazy more power to them. (Did I mention I’m divorced? lol)

I’m a writer, a designer, a mother, a daughter a sister and a friend. I love deeply and am loyal to a fault. I’m kind to furry woodland creatures, share my toys and color inside the lines (usually).

But most of all, I love being here. It’s beats the hell out of the alternative. I’d rather smell the daisies than push them up from the other side.

And that, ladies and gents, is who I am, or at least a brief synopsis. And that’s who writes this blog. I hope you’ll stick around and see what I have to say. I’m sure it will only get more interesting as the months progress.

Relationships – The Good, the Bad and the…

This post is about relationships. As writers, our relationships play a huge role in how and what we write. Sometimes it’s a good thing, and sometimes it can hold you back. And let’s be real, a writer’s life is difficult enough without creating our own barriers. And I know this from experience – I once had such a barrier, and it was a biggie.

My mother and I have mother-daughter “moments,” but unfortunately, we have never managed to string enough moments together to call it a true mother-daughter relationship. I love her and she loves me, but we’ve just never gotten along all that well. When I was growing up, we would have wicked arguments that would leave us both angry, frustrated and in tears. It wasn’t the most ideal of situations, that’s for sure.

However, I have been fortunate enough to forge a solid relationship with my daughter. We are close – crazy close. I can’t think about her without smiling.

But as much as I love and cherish that bond, it makes me wistful for the bond I’ve never had with my own mother.

Actually, “wistful” isn’t a strong enough word. Sometimes, I ache for it. The ache is particularly strong when I watch my mother lavish love on my daughter. I often find myself feeling like I’m on the outside, looking in, wondering why my mother can so obviously bestow love and affection on MY daughter, but could not do the same for me. If I’m not careful, the ache can quickly turn into resentment.

The adult me gets that my mother is the person she is, and for reasons I cannot fathom, but have learned to accept, she did not have the capacity to be the kind of mom I always wanted. But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t the best mom she could be or that she didn’t love me. And over time, I’ve learned to live with that. But sometimes, and especially when I see my friends mention their relationships with their mothers, I still feel a sense of loss.

Bottom line: It is what it is. About 15 years ago, I realized I had two choices: I could continue to resent what I didn’t have with my mom, or I could embrace and appreciate what I did have. After a lot of soul-searching and teeth-gnashing, I choose the latter. My relationship with my mom isn’t perfect, but it does exist, and for that I am grateful.

So, my advice to you is this: Instead of trying to make a relationship what you want it to be, just accept it for what it is. You will experience a feeling of peace you’ve never known and you’ll be able to build on that relationship and hopefully create something you thought you’d never have.