It Could Be Worse

So, today has been a struggle writing-wise for me today. I’ve just not been “into it”, and have only accomplished a fraction of what I needed to get done today.

But that’s okay, cuz ya know, sometimes it happens. Sometimes the words just won’t flow. The ideas are stuck…just out of the reach of your fingertips. It’s frustrating, but sometimes it’s part of this life. Not every word you write will be brilliant. Sometimes the things you write will be utter rubbish.

But no matter how bad a writing day you’re having, someone else is having a worse day. And for the really unfortunate, some of the greatest writing guffaws actually make it to print. So, in honor of a lousy writing day, and in the hopes of a better one tomorrow, I offer you “When Headlines Go Wrong” aka “Hey, things could be worse, this could have been YOUR headline.

And because I want to retain my “Snarky” attitude, I’ve included comments. Cuz, that’s how I roll.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter (Wait…how does THAT work? Was a seance involved?)

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says  (Other than the plane crashing, I can’t imagine what else could have gone wrong…)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers  (Wow…I guess a ticket just doesn’t cut it any more…)

Miners Refuse to Work after Death (So much for RIP…)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (And what happens if they fail…or succeed?)
War Dims Hope for Peace (Yeah, that’s usually how it works…)
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile  (Nothing like a good dose of stating the obvious!)
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (Uh huh…)
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (Nah, it was the Masque of the Red Death)
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (Next time, try cement!)
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge (I got nothing for this other than *groan*)
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (Big Macs for everyone!)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft (Well, they shouldn’t have pulled his finger!)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (Yeah, but they’re quick, crafty and hard to kill…)
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half  (Well, that’s one way to decrease the dropout rate…)
Chainsaw Massacre all over again! (Wait — it happened before?)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (Next – legislation requiring all hospital ceilings be at least 7’1″.)
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (So, did that increase or decrease the occupancy?)

Why A Writer Needs A Blog

The above was the title of a blog post I wrote as a featured writer for Writers Access.  The post went live today, check it out here if you are so inclined.  And if you really love me, leave comments. 🙂

But here’s the thing. The post on the blog — is the SECOND version. There was a first version…a less..um…shall we say mainstream version.

Here is the original, much more snarky and in many ways more realistic reason why a writer REALLY needs a blog.

There’s a plethora of reasons for a writer to have a blog. One of the more obvious is so readers can catch a glimpse into the personality of the authors they follow. Somehow, learning your favorite author’s three-year-old throws temper tantrums in WalMart over a package of Skittles makes the incident in KMart with your toddler the day before seem less catastrophic. It’s also a great way for a writer to keep his fans up-to-date with new releases, book signings, newly published articles or conferences he is attending.

But there are more personal reasons why a writer should have a blog, at least for me. I’ve been a writer for twenty (mumble mumble) years, and a blogger since 2001– well before the blogging craze. But I knew from Post #1 that a blog was a good idea for me, and for more than professional reasons. So, why do I, a writer, have a blog?

So the voices in my head will shut up.

OK, before you track my IP address and inform the local authorities that there is a crazy women in their midst, allow me to explain. As a writer, my strongest skill is the ability to convey information in a way that others will understand. To accomplish this, I read voraciously, take a lot of notes and commit a lot of facts, figures and general bits and pieces of data to memory. Sometimes this information takes on a life of its own, but try as I might I cannot fit it all into an article on Business Finance, Feline Depression or repairing a hitch on a Ford F-150. But that doesn’t stop the information’s demands to be used somewhere.

So what’s a writer to do when the voices in her head band together, threaten to revolt and perform a frontal labotomy from the inside? She finds an outlet for them so they’re heard by someone other than her. First I tried a journal, but that didn’t satisfy my narcissitic nature. (Oh, c’mon, admit it — all writers are narcissitc — it’s the uncontrollable need to share information that drove us to start writing in the first place!)  I tried speaking the words out loud, but this just made me look crazy. (Beleive me when I say wandering around mumbling to youself will cause others to question your mental stability.) it was obvious that I needed to find a way to blend the eviction of the voices with my need to share information.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is why I blog. These pieces of information can finally vacate my hopelessly cluttered gray matter and become blog content on a page hosted by WordPress, Blogger or Tumblr. They’re happy, I’m happy — happiness abounds.

So, if you’re overflowing with information, start a blog. The extra information finds a home, and your head will be much quieter.

And no one will threaten to size you for a straight jacket.