Yeah and Meh…

The last few weeks have been challenging, and I’m not sure why.

I’ve pared down my client list to three clients I love, so work isn’t really a chore at the moment.

I’m making progress on my “Quest for National Publication,” so that’s good.

I don’t have any pressing issues, obligations or major things to worry about…so yay to that.

And yet…here I sit, uneasy about it all.

Maybe things are too easy…they’re going too smoothly.

I’m not used to smooth. I’m used to craziness, chaos, bedlam.

That I can do — I thrive on that.

But this…this is foreign to me.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “Be glad it’s going smoothly, and enjoy it.” And, I know you’re right — I should be…

But I can’t. And I don’t know why.

And that bugs me.

But not enough to make me feel better.

And if you followed that, well, I don’t know whether to apologize to you or applaud you.

What does it say about someone who can’t be happy when things are going well?

Ok – that’s a bit of a reach. I’m happy…just uneasy about the happiness.

That doesn’t really make it sound better, does it?

I’m just more comfortable with chaos. I know what to expect with chaos.

I’d like to get comfortable with things going well…

I guess it will take practice.

Until then, I’ll just stress out about not being stressed out. That always makes me feel better.

Again — apologies and applause. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Yeah and Meh…

  1. LOL! I aim to get to that point…:)

  2. Jack V Sage says:

    One of the most difficult lessons I’ve had to learn is how to relax and enjoy it when things go well.

  3. GVanWyden says:

    Sounds like things are going well, but just make sure you identify any areas of trouble as quickly as you can. It sounds like you have your finger on the pulse – just try to enjoy the quiet a bit more.

  4. 4 me, unease when there’s no chaos to focus on, usually =’s emotions i’ve been avoiding or internal conflict i don’t wanna deal with or some other kind-a naggin hiding festerin sumthin-or-another dad-blamed internal “chaos” which i thought i had already dealt with. some wound or resentment of fear that has onion-like-layers that are finally ready to be peeled off. some outside “thing” usually triggers it, and; i may never know what that trigger was/is but my “higher power” finds a way to get my attention one way or another when it’s time to work on my own Psyche’s growth. but that’s just how thing work for me. “take what u can use and leave the rest.” (from an anonymous 12-step group)

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